


watch me fall apart

by writtensoul



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Eating Disorder, M/M, Sexual Content, So be careful of that okay, triggering perhaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:31:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtensoul/pseuds/writtensoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles was a hugely successful artist in the world of visual arts. His models were only of the highest and most beautiful form, and then Louis Tomlinson, a B-class model with an eating disorder, gets a call to be one of Harry’s models.</p>
            </blockquote>





	watch me fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> This includes an eating disorder, so be wary, loves. :) This oneshot is also on my tumblr, stylinist.

harry styles’s models were the most stunning and sought-after models in the business. they had clear complexions, breath-taking smiles that were duplicated onto the vast, off-white canvases, and bodies that were sculpted by the greek god’s themselves. So when louis tomlinson was scouted to be mr. styles’s model, he was stunned to say the least. 

“are you serious?” he’d asked his agent, and then continued without prompting. “no, you’re fucking around. harry styles? sick joke, liam.”

once liam had convinced him that yes, he was actually going to be styles’s model, louis had clapped like the camp man he was and cheered. 

louis had modeled for tons of other, smaller, lesser known artists and just two months ago he’d modeled for zayn malik; a young and growing artist. he’d gained louis a lot of attention and since then there’d been tons of calls, but none were as big as harry styles. And louis certainly wasn’t gorgeous or thin enough to be his model. don’t get him wrong, he did realize that his job was to get naked and be painted, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be self conscious. 

usually, the artists didn’t talk to him much. they welcomed louis into their studios and calmly gestured towards whatever prop or stool or just ground he was to be modelling on, and things were quiet from then on. After louis’s first lesson with harry, he learned that being quiet was not part of harry’s practice. 

“louis! come in, love, don’t be shy. want a cuppa? fruit? cake? I have quite a bit of food, so-“

“no, that’s okay thank you.” louis’s stomach lurched at the mention of cake. gross. “erm- since you’ve seen me in the flesh now, are you sure you want to use me?”

harry’s brows furrowed. “I’m not too sure what you mean, Louis.”

“well… I’m not- I’m not exactly up to par to your past models, to put it bluntly,” louis said as they walked into the studio. “I mean, look at them.”

he gestured towards the wall of sketches, each model being impossibly more gorgeous than the next. some drawings had a drop of colour, while others had so many it looks like a rainbow mosaic. they were all wonderful. 

“louis, you’re stunning. I chose you for a reason. you just seem… your facial expression in all the drawings I’ve seen, they’re all so genuine, if you get what I mean? you’re real. that’s what I wanted.”

louis blushed. but he didn’t believe a word of it. “okay, where do you want me?”

“on that stand over there.” harry waved his hand to a step that was about 10 inches above the rest of the floor, and it was in front of a plain white sheet. one word to describe that entire studio in itself could easily be serenity. “yeah, good, there.”

harry walked over to a setup that had an ipod dock with a small silver ipod straddled on top, and pressed play. immediately a whimsical and beautiful and familiar song spread out into the room and louis’ heart pulled wildly.

“hope you like ben howard.”

“I’m in love with him! holy crap! he’s Jesus, and one time I went to his concert and- I mean, yeah. he… he’s alright.”

harry chuckled and shot him a grin that was full of astonishment and amused curiosity.

 

“wonderful.”

louis shrugged his clothes off, every last pierce of fabric, and waited for harry to instruct how he should stand and look. but it never came. while he waited with his hand on his hip and a very little impatient look on his face, harry began to draw. 

“don’t move,” he mumbled and ducked behind his canvas once more. he would constantly pop his head of curls out from behind it with lines between his dark, thick eyebrows and then add more lines to his drawing. “beautiful, louis. you’re beautiful.”

louis blushed again, but stayed in his position. he hadn’t tweaked his facial expression, hadn’t let himself relax for a second. he knew if he did, the entire picture would be ruined, so he stood as still as a statue. louis can feel harry’s eyes dip up and down his body, taking in his slightly protruded stomach, somewhat pudgy arms, and thick thighs. He knows harry means well and is only doing so to get a good image for his drawing, but he still feel slightly embarrassed. he has everything out and hanging. everything. 

what louis kept thinking was harry is the beautiful one here. not me, but sighed and let his eyes smile at harry quickly. 

after two hours or so, harry walked out from behind his stand and stared at louis for a moment. “you can relax now,” he said, “we’re going to take a little break. want any food yet?”

louis let his muscles shift into comfort and rolled his head to each shoulder before saying, “nah. not hungry. had a big breakfast.” which was a enormous lie, as he hadn’t had anything to eat since yesterday morning, and that meal was of an apple and a glass of ice cold glacier water.

harry’s mouth opened and closed a few times like he wanted to say something, but in the end it seemed he decided otherwise and closed the small space between them. he looked up into louis’ eyes (louis was still up on the stand, after all) and then timidly brought a hand near louis’ heart. he layed his palm flat over the beating muscle and then dragged the tips of his fingers lower, outlining each of his ribs. funny, louis never noticed how much they stuck out.

he continued to softly touch louis in places he never thought he’d like to be touched, but then he snapped out of it and laid a gentle yet stern hand atop harry’s.

“um. are we done for today?

harry begrudgingly recoiled his hand and gave a slight nod. “yeah, if you like.”

and so louis threw on his clothes, patted harry’s shoulder, and left the flat just as ben howard’s lyrics, “watch me fall apart,” drifted into his ears and settled heavily over his heart. 

~~

back at home, it was fairly lonely. louis’s flat was anything but spacious; with old records hung all over the walls and on his shelves, and as many exercise machines as the space would allow. there was of course a treadmill, an elliptical, and a row machine. he mainly just used the treadmill, though. his fridge was pretty much empty except for the eggs, salad, and fruit he kept in there. he kitchen was seldom used and his bed was comfy enough.

so all in all his flat wasn’t too bad, and he liked it. it was just very lonely, like he’d said. the thing that seemed to make time drag on was his endless hunger, and you’d think he’d get used to it, wouldn’t you? but it never got any easier because louis loved food but he also hated it.

he’d just flopped face-first onto his couch when the phone rang, and that was kind of a rare occurrence because he didn’t have any good friends except for liam.

it rang annoyingly out into the flat four times and then louis finally slugged over and picked it up.

“hello?”

“um, hello. it’s harry. styles. the painter? anyway, I just- you’re coming over tomorrow at ten right?” a deep voice said slowly over the line, and louis’s heard sped up a notch. harry sounded really, really shy and it was kind of really, really cute.

“mmmhm. how come?”

“I just wanted to make you breakfast? if that’s okay?”

immediately all the blood in louis’ face drained and it felt like a giant weight was pressing on his stomach. fuck, fuck no. 

“no. no, that’s okay. you don’t need to go to that trouble for me, honestly. I- I’m on a diet anyway.”

“oh.” harry sounded dejected. horribly so. “what diet?”

uh, one where I don’t eat? “um. a carbs one. or something. to make me like, thinner, you know.”

“but you don’t need to be. why? you’re really perf- you’re healthy-looking louis. honestly, if anything you are skinnier than you need to be.”

and see, that was where most people fucked up. they thought it made louis feel better by saying he was too skinny when in reality it just made him feel uglier.

“no I’m not,” louis snapped and he knew his voice was ten times more icy than it should have been. “I’m not, and I don’t need you to make me breakfast. thank you, though. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

it made louis’ own heart hurt at how rude he was being, but he had to be or harry would offer him more food.

harry agreed quietly and bid goodbye. the hurt in his voice was enough to have louis tearing up, and once he hid the edge of his bed with his shins, he collapsed and sobbed loudly into his tiffany blue pillow. He sobbed hard until he lost consciousness, and the hunger in his stomach ebbed away.

~~

louis woke up bright and early the next morning, bright and early being 9:30am. so, shit, he’s going to be late. he threw on sweats he was pretty sure were dirty and a shirt that smelled too heavily of cologne, and dashed on over to harry’s flat.

when he got there, he ran up the stairs to his door number and hardly, yet politely, rapped his knuckles on the door.

“louis,” harry breathed, and stepped back to let him in. his eyes were kind of crazed, darting everywhere and his hair was all thrown around atop his head. finally, his eyes slowed down and traveled down louis’ body, making him feel very exposed even though he was fully clothed. suddenly, a huge giggle-snort fell out of harry’s lips and there wasn’t too much that could stop him from laughing then.

“oh,” harry gasped, “my god. louis.”

“what?!” louis said exasperatedly, tugging at his collar and nibbling his bottom lip. did he really look that bad?

“uh, nothing. nothing. let’s get to work, yeah?”

harry spun around without another word and waltzed over to the studio, leaving louis at the front door.

louis let his eyes wander over his own body and then- then he saw it. jesus fucking christ.

“shit!” he shouted loud enough for probably china to hear, because fuck.

harry laughed loudly from the other room, assuming that louis had finally found out why he was laughing.

there was a fucking come stain on his sweats.

“it’s alright mate, it happens to the best of us,” harry said as louis timidly inched his way into the studio.

“no it doesn’t!”

“yeah, well.”

and then harry had two strong grips on his biceps, stopping him from even moving half an inch.

“uh, Harry?”

harry said nothing and just placed a feather-light finger on louis’s lips. a blush made it’s way onto louis’s face, and he flinched away for a moment.

“harry, please-“

“let me undress you?” harry whispered, and then beamed when louis gave a minuscule nod.

he gingerly brought his hands down to the bottom of louis’s t-shirt and tugged upwards, lifting the entire thing over the shorter mans head and then working nimbly at the drawstring of his sweats. they slid down louis’ soft thighs easily and hit the ground with a thud, making louis jump and harry gape openly.

louis knew he wasn’t wearing any underwear, because what was the point when he’d be naked anyhow? what he didn’t know that morning was that harry would be undressing him.

“err, yeah, sorry. I just- didn’t put any… on. so.”

“don’t apologize.” harry said softly, almost soft enough for louis not to hear. “your eyes are really red, love.”

“oh. I guess they are. I’m sorry-“

“louis, stop apologizing. stop. it’s okay. but are you okay?”

the genuine concern in harry’s voice made louis start and choke back a pathetic noise.

“mmmhm, I am. yeah. let’s get to it now?”

louis left harry’s space silently and took his position almost point-on from yesterday’s.

he watched as harry stared at the place where louis once stood in front of him for a few seconds and then walked over to his easel with his shoulders hunched up and his head cocked to one side. he just looked so shy and it made louis want to coo over him and wrap him up in blankets and feed him cookies. but he pushed that feeling away quickly.

harry went straight to work. popping out and back between the board and louis, a small little smile never leaving his lips. one time, harry even pulled a funny face and louis couldn’t stop himself from giggling and shaking his head. but as he did that, a stray piece of hair fell in front of his eyes and he was just, just about to push it back into place when harry appeared in front of him and held both of his wrists behind his back. he was eye-level with louis’ chest, and there was something… so sensual about that.

“I’ll get it,” harry said, and then gingerly took the piece of hair in between his thumb and forefinger and tucked it back in place. “good as new.”

he went back to working for a bit, until louis’ stomach decided to be a complete asshole and growl loud enough for harry to hear.

“it would be really nice of you to pretend you didn’t just hear that,” louis mumbled and instinctively moved to cover his tummy.

“I could make you a salad, you don’t even have to eat all of it-“

louis groaned. “please don’t try harry. please.”

harry paused. then he looked up to louis. pleading, his eyes were oh so pleading, but there was enough of defeat in there too that louis knew he’d won yet again.

to distract him even further, he quietly sung out the next lyrics with ben howard, the ones that were his absolute favorite; “and maybe you were the ocean, and I was just a stone…”

they spent a time just staring at each other, staring until louis’ eyes were burning but he didn’t dare blink.

“you know I can’t just stop trying,” harry said, and louis knew exactly what he was talking about.

“yes, I know. it’ll be wasting your time, but I know.”

“louis.”

“harry.”

and that was when his body decided to fuck him over for the second time that morning.

a hunger pain so strong it caused louis to double over hit him so hard he cried out and flung his hair out to grab at something, anything really, to stabilize him.

“fuck, Louis!”

it turned out that the thing he’d grabbed onto was harry’s giant jumper stretched across his body and the artist was quick to scoop the entirety of louis into his arms and rock him gently back and forth.

“louis, honey. god, you’re so broken, you’re so broken,” harry mumbled over and over as he continued to baby him, lifting louis closer and leaning his neck down to rest his cheek against the smaller boys’.

louis was in pain. sure, the stabbing part of the pain had left, but the dull, throbbing ache was still there and the only part that made it bearable was that harry was holding him as if he were the most precious thing. and in that moment, he was precious, because that’s all harry would let him believe. seeing harry above him and harry beside him and harry everywhere, louis thought that this just might not be a bad place to die. 

not that he’s going to, you know, die. it’s just hunger pains. 

“please let me take care of you.”

“I don’t need it.”

“that is the biggest loud of bullshit I’ve ever heard, louis,” harry said quietly yet purposefully, making louis shut up immediately. “we’re done for today. I’m making you lunch.”

“no-!”

“I. am. making. you. lunch.”

it was weird; that Harry had figured out Louis so quickly. as much as Louis liked to deny it, he knew himself that his way of lifestyle wasn’t that of a normal persons’. his meals were 1/3 of an average meal, and his exercising regiments were way too hardcore for his build. he was honestly, truly fucked but he didn’t need any help. it’s not like he was skin and bones, or anything. 

“fine. not eating all of it though,” louis pouted and gently pushed on harry’s chest to let him down. with crimson cheeks, he inched over to his pile of clothes and shrugged on his t and come-stained sweats. he staggered slightly but righted himself completely with a bit of harry’s help, and then harry was leading him towards his kitchen with a hand on the small of his back. 

“oh- wait. can I choose a song to play first? please?” louis pleaded, whipping around and sticking his bottom lip out so far it kinda hurt. 

“of course you can, you arse.”

clapping like an idiot seal, louis skidded over to the dock and scrolled through all of harry’s songs, smiling at names like the arctic monkeys and bon iver and wonderfully hipster-esque songs. “gosh, harry, your music taste makes you five times more attractive.”

he heard harry snort in the next room, “so you’re saying I’m already attractive before the music taste?”

 

oops. “um. yep. oh my god, you have two door cinema club! I’m gonna kiss you!”

he tapped his thumb on the song title and bopped his head back and forth, skipping into the next room with a stupid grin and his head still doing it’s own little dance. 

“There’s a spanner in the works, you know  
You gotta step up your game to make it to the top  
So go,” he sang quickly along with alex timble, pointing comically to for him to pick up where he left off. 

harry mock-sighed but complied anyhow, humming so quietly louis strained to hear, “gotta little competition now, you’re going to find it hard to cope with living on your own now, oh oh, oh oh.”

of course, the power of music could certainly be powerful and harry was smiling along with louis and louis thought the moment could only be described as really fucking gay.

but still, louis kept on singing while harry laughed and cracked an egg over the streaming pan, almost giggling so hard he struggled to get out the chorus, “let’s make this happen, girl, you gotta show the world that something good can work and it can work for you, and you know that it will!”

louis bounded around the island in the kitchen and tapped harry on top of his curls every time he’d pass by, shouting “work, minion, work!” a few times and playfully slapping him on the bum. it sort of freaked him out, how nice and natural he find around harry. it seemed as if he’d known him for years, not a measly few days.

”smells really good,” he’d said once he ran out of breath and slumped against harry’s shoulder. “I get to taste-test it right? make sure it’s good enough?”

“oh- err, yeah. of course.”

a smirk was gifted to harry by louis and shyly, so very shyly, harry turned the shorter boy’s chin so they were facing each other. the tension between their faces was so immense that louis’ heart was thudding hard and he could hear only that in his ears. he was afraid that if he moved, harry would jump away and stop whatever the hell was going on. 

“you don’t even know how beautiful you are,” harry whispered and nuzzled his nose alongside louis’s. 

“is that what makes me beautiful?” louis countered just as quietly, internally laughing at his bad joke. that dumb song sucked anyway, and the boyband sucked even more. 

“yeah, definitely.” harry then brushed his lips across louis’ baby-soft cheek before flicking his tongue out, and then stepping back. “food’s ready.”

“um? excuse me? are you actually not gonna kiss me after tha- mmf!”

harry swooped in so quickly and claimed louis’ lips so forcefully that he had really no choice but to kiss back just as hard, making little noises and slinking his hands up to wrap around harry’s neck. 

and then harry pulled away again. 

“uh-uh, no. get back here,” louis gleamed and tugged harry forward by his slim hips. he spun them around so he was pinning harry against the countertop and he knew he did something right because he could feel harry smiling into their kiss, and he imagined the dimples that he knew would be there. feeling a little bit cheekier than normal, louis let his jaw drop slightly and harry gleefully took the obvious invitation; to gently prod his tongue into his models mouth. 

they kissed like that for a while, languid and slow and dopey and sweet, until louis felt harry slip his thumb underneath his shirt, and he immediately jumped into the air and squealed. of course it shocked the hell out of harry and he threw his hands up in an innocent gesture, checking to see if louis was alright.

“erm, sorry. I… not used to people… touching my tummy. or anywhere at all, really…” his chest flushed deeply and it rose up to his pointy cheekbones, making him blush even more. 

“i’m sorry, louis. i shouldn’t have been so insensitive… uh, you want to eat now?” 

louis waved the apology away and smiled minutely, bringing a shaking hand up to brush his fingers over harry’s face. the green irises disappeared when his lids fluttered shut, and louis softly dragged his thumbs across each one. they were soft, softer than he would have imagined, but he really didn’t imagine about harry’s eyelids too often. “no, not really. do you?”

“I-I, yeah. just eat a bit for me?”

“fine.”

harry brought his hand up to mask louis’s on his own face and then linked them together and brought them down to their sides. “okay! food time.”

~~

eating took a really, really long time. mostly because louis could barely even stomach (no pun intended) the idea of eating. he ate about a third of his food, and flung the second third at harry’s face, and the last of it was thrown in the waste bin. louis of course apologized profusely for him being such a waste of time and effort because harry’d spent a respectable amount of time on the meal for louis to just throw some and eat next to nothing. 

and, -not really- surprisingly enough, harry just smiled through his apologies and said it was nothing, because “at least you ate a little bit.”

it was around 10:00PM, and harry offered to throw a film in so they could watch it, and louis chose blood diamond. it really was one of his favorites. (plus leonardo dicaprio was really hot).

they settled down and watched for a half hour, but louis could feel harry shaking with nerves on the other side of the couch and louis leaned over harry to grab the remote and harry started shaking even harder. 

“hey, let’s go to the park?”

“lou, it’s like, eleven. are you crazy?”

louis giggled. “if wanting to go to the park at a not-so-weird hour makes me crazy, I’m… crazy, I guess. that was anti-climatic. anyway, let’s go!”

“you’re lame,” harry said, attempting to be mean, but his shit-eating grin and guffaw gave him away.

louis stood up, twisted his shirt around to fit over his tummy, and then offered a hand over to the painter who was curled into a ball on the couch. “up, up, lazy bum.”

“fiiiiine.”

~~

once they showed up, it was dark and as cold as summer air could be, but mostly just dark. 

louis acted as the kid he was, cheering and climbing up the plastic rock wall and then jumping off the side, landing in a heap and scaring harry for a moment until he popped back up and ran off towards the monkey bars. 

“wooo! harry, play with me!” 

harry only laughed from his spot on the swing, rocking back and forth and looking genuinely happy. 

louis jumped up to the bars above him and swung his legs until he had enough power to hook his feet in and dangle upside-down. “hee-hee-hee,” he hummed to himself and then froze when his shirt slid down, exposing his entire stomach and a bit of his chest. he scrambled to hike it back up but it was sort of difficult with gravity working against him. 

“here,” harry mumbled, suddenly right in front of him, and then took the fabric and tucked it into the top of louis’s jeans. he then held the smaller boy’s hips, and ducked down slightly to kiss his tummy over the fabric. 

“oh.” 

“yeah,” harry said, and it seemed as though he didn’t quite know why he was saying it. 

the blood rushing to his head and harry’s hands on him made louis feel a little ill, so he reached his hands up to the bars and swung down rather gracefully- if falling and sprawling across the sand is graceful. 

“oh lord, loui- ooph!” 

louis shot his arm out and pulled on harry’s ankle so hard he toppled on top of him in a fit of giggles and shouts. 

“you absolute prick!”

sand was kicked up and nearly fell into louis’ eye, but he was quick and squeezed them shut, moaning in annoyance. “gross, gross, get it out harry.”

with a knee on each side of louis’ waist, harry carefully leaned down and softly dusted off the little grains of sand off of each shut eyelid. “you’re all good now.”

“thanks. I think you should kiss me now.”

“is that so?”

louis grunted. because, yes, he’s supposed to. without responding, louis tugged harry’s shirt so he fell on top of his chest, face nudging into louis’ shoulder. 

“you arse, that’s not my lips.”

so harry lifted his head, hair tickling louis’ jaw and cheeks with his hair, and kissed louis straight on the eye. 

“god, you’re a wanker.”

“oh, sorry, did you say mouth? my bad,” harry chuckled and ducked in once again, but this time kissing him on the bridge of his nose. Then his temple, his cheek, his chin, his eyebrow, and then, then his lips. his thin, pink lips. 

“there we go,” louis mumbled and the boy on top took the opportunity to nibble his bottom lip and stick his tongue out to soften the gesture. 

“you’re just so beautiful, you know. you’ve got nothing but,” another peck, “endless amounts of glowing skin and,” nuzzling noses, “pretty eyelashes. you have a tummy that is nice for kissing and hands I’d love to hold, ” harry looked him straight in the eye, “forever.”

and louis thinks, for a moment, that this is going way too fast. and the moment stretches out for a long while, until nothing is in the air except louis’ puffs of breath and harry’s heavy gaze. 

“I- I should go.”

harry continued to stare. louis stared back. 

“you’re not- you won’t… you just won’t.” 

“I won’t what?” harry spoke finally, his dark eyebrows moving inwards and his mouth pulling down. 

“you might like me now, if you do, but you won’t- you won’t in a bit. you will get tired of force feeding me and finding me passed out on the floor from not eating and screaming in the bathroom because I’ve eaten too much, and, and, and-” louis choked out, coughing at the end and pushing harry off him hard, squinting his eyes and pulling himself into a ball. his knees tucked in and his arms stretched around him, his face buried in his limbs. 

“c’mon, louis… don’t be like that…”

there was a considerable amount of confusion and hesitation in his voice that louis really didn’t like, because he knew it too well. his friends, when he had them, were like this at first; willing to help and feed louis and call in to see how he was doing. and look where he is now, friendless save for liam and maybe harry. harry would leave just like his friends did. 

“no. I’m going home.”

louis stood up, wiping furiously at his damp eyes and tossing one last hopeless look towards harry, and then he was stumbling away on angry feet towards his sad little flat. alone. like always. 

~~

time was really annoying to louis. did it think it ran the whole world? it was a stupid little prick, time was, because it never stopped for anyone. 

he had to be at harry’s studio in ten minutes. but he was still in bed, naked, with sleep gluing his eyes shut. gross. 

he spent one minute counting his ribs, angry that he couldn’t see all of them. he spent another squishing his thighs so hard red marks and half-moon crescents were indented. another three spent staring at the ceiling, willing his hunger to leave him. it didn’t. 

he had five minutes to get to harry’s then, and he briefly considered just not going. but he had a contract, and respect for harry, so he begrudgingly swung his legs over the side of his bed and threw on some clean clothes, not wanting a repeat of last time’s incident. 

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mumbled on his way down the stairs, and perhaps a hundred more fucks were said on the ride over, and fifty more in front of harry’s door. he was fifteen minutes late. 

finally knocking, he let out a shaky breath of air and shifted on his feet, the marks on his thighs rubbing against the fabric of his jeans. 

the door swung open but louis was met with nothing but a gust of air. he looked down the hall and saw harry quickly walking away, away to the studio and the model was rather stumped. it seemed as if… as if harry was angry. 

“please step up on the stand, mr. tomlinson,” harry said falsely once louis joined him and what the fuck was going on?

“uh, alright.” 

“thank you,” harry’s flat voice ran out into the open room.

“okay, what? why are you so angry with me?”

“i’m not angry. you won’t let us be anything more, so I’m treating you like an employee.”

louis let out a quiet whimper at that. harry’d given up on him already. like everyone did. 

“okay,” he said remotely and began to peel off his clothes, wincing when he rubbed over the scratches on his thighs. he’d hurt himself more than he meant to. 

harry watched him sadly. which really wasn’t fair, because harry was the one who was treating him so badly. 

so Louis began to cry. and he hated himself more for it because he never cried in front of anyone, not even when his parents split up or when he broke his arm in year six. it was a quiet sort of cry, one that harry couldn’t take notice to unless he looked up over his canvas and inspected louis’ eyes intently.

it was good, louis supposed, that harry didn’t notice as he set up his brushes and things. things were going well considering. well, until he felt his heart snap and he let out a very audible sob. 

“i’m so-orry,” he moaned, dropping into a ball for the second time in a 12-hour period. great. 

“god-fuck, louis,” harry half-shouted, leaping towards louis once he heard the sob and wrapping his body tight around the smaller mans. “i’m sorry. i’m such a prick, such an idiot, I don’t even know what I was thinking, please forgive me.” 

louis couldn’t hear what he was saying. the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of his blood coursing through his ears blocked out all and any other sounds. “why are you, why am I- why can’t I eat?!” He shouted the last part, neck muscles straining and shoulders shoving harry off of him. “FUCK!”

“lou, calm down, please. I’ll help you and we’ll do this together and I won’t leave you, I won’t act like I did just then. I was frustrated that I didn’t know what to, what to do last night and just, please louis-“

louis was just stupid, and he’d never get better. never. 

“-I, you’re so special to me louis, you’re my joy and I-“

no one would love him.

“-I think if you let me, I could love you.”

louis froze. “What. What.” no. harry was just saying that to shut him up. no one could love him.

“I, just let me in, lou. let me fix you,” harry whined and snaked his arms around louis even tighter, until it felt as if their limbs never ended; just one person leading onto the next and never separating. 

although it felt good to be so close to him, really good to be precise, louis couldn’t. he just couldn’t. not this soon, not without harry proving that he’d stick around. 

“maybe it’s just best we- we’re friends for now, okay?”

harry paused and looked into each of louis’s eyes, flicking back and forth to each one desperately before deflating and nodding. “‘course.”

louis was a mess, such a mess it was awful and disgusting and soon enough, harry would see and back off and louis’s life would go back to normal. 

slowly he pulled himself out of harry’s grip, very thankful that he had yet to take of his boxers, and stood where he was supposed to. 

they didn’t speak for the rest of the session. 

~~

a week passed and harry had voiced that he’d be done the painting soon, but louis didn’t think it would be this soon. he walked into the studio after he found the front door unlocked, and gasped when he saw his painting hung up on the wall next to the others. 

the paintings beside his looked, although beautiful, colourless and emotionless compared to his. harry had captured his… his pain so well even though he had a hand crooked on his hip in annoyance. he captured not only the louis in that certain moment, but all of louis, all of his quirks, all of his imperfections, all of his highs and lows on one canvas. 

it became a lot for him, seeing himself so exposed and open and just there in front of him that he stumbled forward and dropped to his knees, his eyes still glued to the painting of himself.

”holy, holy, holy,” he mumbled, bringing his trembling hands up to his face and fingernails biting into his cheeks. 

“so, do you like it?”

louis jumped, startled at the voice, and then he sprung up from the floor and reeled towards harry. he immediately wrapped his arms around the artist’s neck and squeezed him tight, thanking him and praising him and- wait. 

harry finished the painting. 

“you finished the painting,” he repeated out loud dumbly, leaning back to look harry in the eyes. 

“that I did, lou,” harry smiled quizzically, hurt still shining in his eyes from the other day.

if harry’s finished the painting…. that means louis won’t see him every day anymore. their time together is kind of, like, done. 

“can we still… see each other?” he asked. his grip had loosened on harry while harry’s had tightened on him. 

“that’s up to you, remember. kind of… made that clear… last week.” 

there was an awkward pause and louis was not too sure how to fill it, so he coughed and dropped his hands from harry completely. 

“right. right. well I do want to see you still. if you’re up to it.”

some kind of sadness and a bit of amusement danced at the edges of harry’s lips but he clearly pushed it away, pulling them up and giving a toothy smile. “‘course.”

louis knew that harry was upset. and he was allowed to be; of course he was! but an army of memories from the week before forced louis to think about how quickly harry was to drop him and give up. should he give him a chance, though…?

probably not, but. 

“want to hang out tomorrow? at my place? we could watch a sappy film.” louis curved his right eyebrow enticingly and flicked his tongue out to wet his lips. 

harry watched his tongue as he knew he would, and agreed with a desperate nod of his head. 

the moment between them ended, and louis stepped out of the atmosphere on light feet. “see you tomorrow, then?” he said quietly and left when harry nodded again and gave a fleeting smile. 

“bye, louis.”

~~

after that first movie night, they’d agreed to make it a weekly tradition. It was quite the success, it was, harry didn’t try to push him and louis didn’t try to tempt him. although they both felt the need for more. 

and apparently the day louis decided he was ready for more, harry was too. 

“just a sec!” he called and fumbled around to fix his slightly moist fringe and pull his sweats up over his huge arse. he quickly stopped by the bathroom beside the kitchen to wash his hands and then dashed to the door, whipping it open and smiling (hopefully) charmingly at harry.

“hey, lou,- oh my god, shit,” harry said lowly and his eyes turned this weird, dark colour and louis was honestly taken aback. what the hell? “lou, again?”

“again what?

“there’s- there’s come on your… neck.”

 

shitshitfuckshitfuckno.

“um. wonder how that got there…?”

 

harry said nothing but a quiet mumble of “fuck it” and ducked down to lick the white, drying come off of his neck. and god, if that wasn’t the hottest thing ever. 

 

louis moaned something that sounded a lot like, “jesus christ, harry,” and slipped his arms around harry’s waist. 

 

they stumbled around louis’s flat for a few rushed and heated moments, and eventually found themselves falling onto his bed with gusts of breaths and lust-filled eyes. 

“are we doing this?” harry asked, shattering the moment of almost-silence. 

“i think we are, yeah.” 

before harry could reply, louis flipped them over so he was on top and resting in between harry’s spread open thighs. 

“let’s get these clothes off, yeah?”

“yeah, yeah,” harry muttered, peeling off his shirt and louis’ too, gently nudging louis off of him so he could work at his pants. then he paused. “wait. before i was here, what exactly were you wanking off to?”

“err, blonde girls in stringy bikinis?”

harry growled “bastard,” before working his pants the rest of the way off and watching with a smirk on his face while louis stared with his mouth opened slightly. 

his lips looked so inviting, then, all flushed and pink and open and his eyes waiting for harry’s next move.

“you’re beautiful,” harry said softly. “so, so beautiful.” 

louis’ tiny hand reached out to brush harry’s hair off his forehead and he smiled. things had slowed down a bit, and louis was sure that he didn’t know if he liked it or not. 

“can i- who’s, you know…” he rambled off, making an obscene gesture with his hands and drawing a laugh out of harry. 

“you’re topping. i’m a bottom boy.”

louis nodded, flustered beyond belief, and began to trace lines around the erection in harry’s boxers. this caused harry’s eyes to flutter shut and his body to sink into the mattress even further. it was a wonderful thing to see. the model rearranged his position so he had a knee on each side of harry’s thighs, so he could roll his hips and cause a friction good enough for him to get fully hard. 

“god, louis,” harry moaned and the merely caused louis to titter and move faster, harder. 

eventually, though, louis couldn’t fight against his own pleasure and lost himself in the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other through thin fabric.

“more, more louis, i need more.” 

“vocal one, you are,” louis said but he could hardly make his voice sound light, and mildly startled himself when he heard how sexed-out and rough he sounded already. 

“okay there yoda, please just get inside me quick.”

louis said “yeah” quickly and reached for the lube and condoms he knew he had, which was sad mostly because he used them on himself when he didn’t enjoy getting messy.

he didn’t waste any time in getting harry prepared, and tried not to feel intimidated when harry took two fingers immediately. harry seemed so experienced whilst louis barely knew what he was doing; as he’d only had sex a small number of times.

“go on louis, i’m ready, please,” harry choked out hoarsely and twisted the sheets in his his fists, grinding his hips up in effort to retain some amount of friction between their flushed chests. 

the second louis slipped inside harry, they let out a simultaneous groan of satisfaction and louis could not believe how tight and hot harry was. with each deep and shaky breath louis drew in, he rolled his hips out and then back in, reveling in how harry’s face twisted up in ecstasy.

“fu-uck louis, take me, i can handle it, go faster,” harry gasped and louis found himself dumbstruck once again at how different harry was in bed. he turned into some sort of submissive creature and god, was that ever hot. 

“you want me to go what, love? slower?” he teased, and dragged himself out of harry until he nearly slipped out and harry whimpered the entire way, and then he gripped harry’s waist and shoved himself back in so fast he shouted and slumped over harry’s trembling body. “christ, harry.”

“ooh, oh my god, keep going,” the boy underneath him begged and arched his back so dirtily louis couldn’t help but comply. he kept pounding himself back inside harry at a lethal pace and soon the only sounds in the room were harry’s desperate moans and the slap of skin against skin. 

“is this okay, harry?” louis asked genuinely as he readjusted his position shifting back into comfort. 

“yes, just keep going.”

louis knew he’d found the perfect spot when each thrust brought absolute screams from harry’s lips and he curled one fist around harry’s cock, wanting him to come more than anything so he could too. he thought that at the beginning he wanted this to be slow and sweet but now, now he wanted it rough and hard and he wanted it until he couldn’t utter a word but harry’s name. 

“fuck, fuck i’m going to come, shit,” harry groaned and grasped the backs of louis’s thighs to bring him in deeper. “god yes, god yes, god yes,” he screamed, his entire body going rigid and then melting into the mattress, his cock spurting out his orgasm over louis’ fist and louis could not even try to deny how good it felt for harry to tighten around him. 

“so good- harry, fu-fuck, gonna, gonna- YES,” he shouted and followed after harry closely, wrapping his arms around harry’s shoulders and riding his high with slow, careful thrusts into harry. “oh, my god.”

“that was,” harry struggled to breathe out, “good. really good, jesus.” 

“uh huh, yeah it was. wow.”

they remained like that, a tangle of limbs and blood thumping through their bodies, until louis gently pulled out and rolled over so harry could wrap himself around him. 

“i think i’ll let you love me, now,” he whispered as harry slid his arms around louis’ waist. 

 

“good, because i’m way, way past ready.”

~~

it took a number of months, and a few short-lived fights, but harry had louis eating three healthy meals a day with snacks in between. 

he’d introduced louis to his friends niall and josh and nick, all of whom took a great liking to louis and louis took a great liking to them. so louis now had someone who loved him, someone he loved, and friends who liked having him around and didn’t need to force feed him or call him every 10 minutes. 

harry now had a permanent model who was silly with his poses and didn’t mind when he painted him in his sleep. they had a weird dynamic, harry and louis, what with louis’ tendency to beg to go to parks at strange hours and harry’s tendency to make fun of him mercilessly, but that was what made them perfect. 

louis was the illness, harry was the cure, and he figured together they could conquer anything.


End file.
